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Confessions, September

One of my favorite times of the month – confessions!  It’s when I unleash some verbal diarrhea, then you do it, and we all feel great, free, and are ready to move on with our lives.  Let’s go!

  1. I don’t understand the point of fingerless gloves.  At all.  Explain this to me please.  “Oh, my palms are so cozy, but my finger tips are ice cold”.  Huh?
  2. I’m disappointed in this blog author that I read.  I recently started rereading her blog from the beginning and she used to be so funny, and real.  She cursed, she said what she thought, and now she’s just some fake flowery version of her former self.  Makes me sad because those early posts seemed so legit, and now I feel like I’m reading the musings of a mannequin in a Macys window.
  3. I think Troy purposely is terrible at hanging clothes up on our drying rack.  I think he hopes I just say “oh fuck it, you can stop hanging clothes up, I’ll do it”.  I will not give in though, and crappy hanging or not, he has to keep on it.  I’m on to you though honey.
  4. I really hate the end of summer on NPR.  They have all the high school interns who worked there over the summer produce these little segments.  And I’m sure we’re supposed to be super impressed that these kids did such great things, but I just can’t stand their “stories”.  They use every NPR d-bag trick known to man and shove them in to the three minutes they have.  Soft whispering voices, taking huge pauses in-between sentences, and playing music in the background the WHOLE time.  All I can think when I hear them is “future pretentious a-holes”.  And I love NPR, so I guess I’m a pretentious a-hole too.  I’m ok with that, but at least I’m not pretentious with a soundtrack.
  5. Our neighbor is a full-time single dad (ex is no longer in the picture), and he’s a great dad.  He works a ton, and his son is wonderful and Jack adores him.  I invite the little boy over all the time, and I think my neighbor thinks it is because I want to give him a break. That’s nice and all, but the real reason I do it is because his kid plays with Jack and they distract each other so I can get shit done.
  6. I am really sick of people wearing dumb hats all the time.  Almost no one looks good in a fedora, and celebrities who wear those scrunchy wool hats in the summer in Los Angeles to look “cool” make me want to slap an idiot.
  7. We still use a baby monitor for Jack.  He’s five and a half years old.  And it’s a video monitor.  I have no idea why.
  8. We didn’t get a normal ear thermometer for way too long.  I think Jack was three when he finally said “can you stop sticking that thing in my butt please”.  Ooops.
  9. At my six weeks post partum check up after Jack, I had to laugh when my OB asked me what kind of birth control I was using.  I said “um, it’s called having a six week old baby, and still crying when I poop”.  She laughed so hard, and always brings it up at my yearly exam.
  10. Whenever I see a new stories describing a missing kid as “x feet tall and weighing x lbs”, I think “I’m screwed”.  I seriously can’t remember how tall Jack is and how much he weighs.  Go me.
  11. I cannot be trusted to put the lids on leftovers in the fridge.  After dinner, I put food in glass containers for our lunches the next day, and then put them in the fridge to cool down.  I got a 100% on my food handlers permit like 10 years ago, so I remember you’re not supposed to put lids on hot food.  Well, I NEVER remember to put the lids back on them before going to bed.  Troy has to do it; I can’t be relied upon to handle this chore on my own.
  12. When Jack and I walk to the library, he plays on the learning computer, and I read magazines.  I love looking through Cooking Light, stealing recipes, and then using real butter and heavy cream instead of “cooking spray, and non-fat milk”.

Phew, I feel better.  Now it’s your turn!

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38 comments on “Confessions, September”

  1. You’re hilarious!

    I crocheted my first pair of fingerless gloves this year… I’ll tell you why! because if you work in a cold office, you can still type… or turn pages, etc… they’re great! I know my tips have to freeze, but it’s still better than my whole hands/wrists freezing!

    I think most men are the same with laundry… my hubby has just started doing more of it, from start to finish, instead of just hanging it out for me, and I think he has now figured out if he hangs it out neatly it won’t look so crappy when it’s dried and folded (I hate ironing, and if I can avoid it I will!)

    cheers, Kate

    • So I can’t function if my fingertips are cold, and would never be able to type if the air was so cold that I needed gloves!

      • yeah, it’s really bad here… just because we don’t see snow where we live, they expect us to suck it up! so well all put individual heaters in our offices…

        We still have cold winters! Australia is not all desserts!

      • I “made” fingertip-less wool gloves when I was in the service (as if it is hard to cut off the finger-tips of a glove) and wore a thinner pair of gloves underneath. Yes, my fingertips still got cold, but having two layers meant I could tuck a small heating pad in between. That warmed the blood on the back of my hand and the fingertips were much better……

  2. #5- Tell the dad that. My kiddo has a friend and I LOVE when she comes over even- scratch that- especially when I have a ton of school work to do. I can count on hours of uninterrupted study time (well, with the exception of the occasional request for food).

    #9- Totally awesome that you could make your Doc laugh that hard. Even cooler that it’s still the same doc. I love the military, but sometimes I crave that stability and consistency in my life.

    We just signed a lease today on a bigger rental house. I am SO excited that the hubby and I won’t be sharing a room with our kiddo anymore (um, she’s almost 9). I am so tired of having ‘relations’ on the living room floor, or having to be super quite in the bedroom.

    I never use to wear deodorant because my armpits never got stinky (or grew hair). All of a sudden, my armpits stink way more than they use too. WTF! I could got days without a shower or deodorant, but now I can barely make it a day with almost gagging myself.

    And with that lovely gem, I think I am done.

    • Congrats on the new bigger rental! Will there be space for a garden??? I can’t imagine sharing a room with your kiddo.

      • For a while, the kiddo had nightmares every night. It was so much easier to settle her if I got to her before she she full out started screaming. Now that she is older, she still has nightmares, but is able to articulate them better so falls asleep a lot faster if I don’t get to her quickly.

        I also use to have horrible nightmares and would go sleep on the floor on my mom’s side of the bed (I stopped getting sympathy pretty early on).

  3. I’ve enjoyed your posts forever and have meant to comment before. You are a natural…’Brilliant, genuine, funny. Thank you.

  4. I love your confessions! I especially appreciate that you give free will for our own rant, so uncommon these days of polite correctness.

    I like opening the JIF and getting the first spoonful before anyone else. And always dipping the knife back in after making a sandwich so I can eat a big glob of peanut butter nude (the pb, not me, no one wants to see that when packing a lunch, I’m just sayin’).

    I usually only eat eggs and bacon, for the bacon…..

    My nails get dingy from hard work, and I don’t really care what it looks like I have done, cause I know the truth.

    And while I love my job (OK not all the time, but most of the time) I would rather be retired, cause I am getting tired…….

    This sounds rather boring, but then I am a lot older than all of you!

  5. Oh my gosh, have you seen that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Debra figures out that Ray has been deliberately screwing up chores for their whole marriage so he doesn’t have to do them? I’m pretty sure my husband does that with a few select tasks- folding towels and fitted sheets, mostly.

  6. #3 – My husband does that, too, but with washing dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. I’ve heard “well, you always rearrange them anyway” or “I don’t wash the pots the way you like them. Then watch and learn how to do it the right way – MY way!

    I’m tired of having to remind DH that the garbage needs to go out Monday nights. We’ve lived in this house over 13 years. Monday night is garbage night, it always has been. Will you please stop watching football for two minutes and go put the damn garbage at the curb. It’s the one bit of housekeeping that I ask you to do, and I’m not taking that on, too.

    Thank your for allowing me to vent!

  7. I want to be your friend. We have an excess of hat wearers near us, people think they’re being “individual” but really they’re just attention seekers in a stupid hat. I also have the same feelings as your NPR ones for our local cinema, everyone behind the counter is reading Sartre and seem really put out if you want to buy a ticket or popcorn from them, but then I go there because I hate the multiplex in our town…

  8. #3 Sweet ladies, the minute I grabbed the laundry out of hubby’s hands because he did it wrong was the minute it became MY job. After 25 years….yes, you read that correctly…we talked (rather than me screaming like a banshee) about the reasoning behind my method. His response? “Oh, okay. I can do that.” Oy vey. The last 8 years have been a team effort.

    #2 Is this in reference to yourself or another blogger? Because if it is about you, that fact that it is “#2” made me smile.

    My confession is pretending I like my daughter-in-laws parents when I would rather chew glass than spend time with them. And it pisses me off that her mom gets to be Mimi and my name is Maw. The good news is Maw’s house is where my precious grand babies ask to go. Take that, biotch! Yikes, sour grapes. Lovely.

    • And that is why I won’t give in and tell him “oh it’s fine, I’ll just do it”. I won’t lose this battle!

      Oh no, it’s totally about someone else. If it was about me, I would have said it, plus I said the person USED to curse…I haven’t stopped that! ;-D

  9. Your Husband does Laundry!? How in the H… Did you manage that? Lol mine just constantly asks “where” it is… (My thoughts, Hmmm well if not in the obvious location – it must be dirty!) This is his passive Agressive way of saying “I can see you didn’t do anything today”.

    My son has lost both bottom front teeth (already loose on both occasions). – one from a collision with his little brother’s head and one from sticking his tongue out at his dad, that last one was a shock & a lesson to him I can tell you! It’s a good thing I don’t loose a tooth every time I stick my tongue out at his Dad or I’d be named for that Nightfury. ;P

    My 2 year old Dog shit in my kids bathroom last night and apparently stepped in it and tracked it all over. Let me Die! I hate cleaning poop!

    I love Carbs in all forms and battle not eating them almost constantly… I wish I could just stop buying them but I know my family would send me to live with the fishes!

    Ahhhh ok I’m done! Thanks love for letting me get that off my chest! <3

  10. I tell my fiance that I do not drink coffee in the morning because I secretly like 7-11 coffee instead of his mud. Been doing this for over 3 years. Wonder if he will ever find out. On weekends I make smoothies instead.

    Once in a while I will splurge and by a box of ding dongs and hide them and eat the whole box by myself but why? I have no idea it is only the two of us.

    I forgot to change my sheets last month and left them on the bed till this coming weekend. Is that gross? They still feel okay and not rough.

    When I get home from work I put my pajamas on immediately and don’t care what anyone says and if I have to change back into my clothes to go some place I will.

    I text all day at my desk with my kids and family and no one can see me because I am hidden. Its better than talking on the phone where everyone can hear me. Yes I do get my work done.

    I have to take a shower every night or I can’t sleep and I take another one in the morning cause I can’t wake up without one?

    Sometimes I act like I forget the clothes in the dryer for days when in reality I know it is there I am just to lazy to do it that day. Eventually I end up folding it.

    • I am right there with ya on the pj thing…I change immediately when I get home…and I will throw THE SAME work clothes back on if we decide to go out to eat, etc. … I’m cracking up! I need soft and comfy AT ALL TIMES if possible…

    • I am a PJ girl too. I take off work clothes and change into PJs as soon as I get home. One time when my parents were here and we were staying at home but my mom told my 5 year old he had to get dressed because only lazy people where their PJs all day. Luckily, he didn’t turn me in but why change if you don’t have to?? Oh well, bad mom!! I agree with #9 because I said the same thing…. still sort of say it now! We are exhausted so we are very unlikely to end up with another kid. Great list!!!

      • I change into yoga pants and a tshirt when I get home, unless it is hot and then it’s workout shorts and a tshirt. The idea of wearing work clothes at home after I’ve been in them all day is not my idea of being comfortable.

  11. It sounds to me that an equilibrium has been struck, unknowingly. Troy doesn’t get the clothes right, you don’t get the leftovers right. Whaaa? Perfect! Life goes on.

  12. …Maaaaaybe I bribed the kid to go potty before wetting himself with chocolate once. Too expensive to do more than once, and then also, Sugar In a Toddler is no reward for anyone.

  13. A friend posted a picture of her 6 month old on Facebook to which someone replied “you are the best parents ever”. Seriously, it’s been 6 months. Anyone can stick it out for 6 months. Let’s see you when you have teenagers.

    • Lol… that is SO true! I think the same thing when a parent of a four year old feels free to judge the parenting style of a teenager’s parent and explains the “correct” way to handle the situation…. I feel like telling them, “just you wait… your time will come. We all felt that way when our little angels were four…”

  14. I think my husband screws dinners up on puropse (twice in one week). Even when there it’s a recipe or premade ingredients. He also seems to not understand my preschooler’s homework assignments so that, when I get home from working, I have homework and cooking to do. Completely ticks me off.

    P.S. I’m the mom of the other spirited boy. We’ve escalated to a note from the teacher saying he mooned someone today at school. Never ever ever will I figure out where that came from.

    • Oh man, your kiddo is taking it up a notch, isn’t he??? We’re on day four of no bad reports home…all because I bribed him with strawberry milk.

      • We went to the first birthday party of the year and all of the parents were super eager to see if everyone was having the same experience. I was so relieved that we aren’t the only one with behavior issues and incomplete class work. His mooning supposedly occurred after another boy did it. Monkey see monkey do.

    • My husband thinks that if I ask him to cook something that I somehow lose any right to expect him to follow the proper cooking directions. Last night he added couscous to cold water in a pot, then turned the heat on, and kept stirring it while it was cooking. He seems to have no concept of why cooking directions exist. Wtf.

      • I hear ya. I was instructing him how to make a proper roux and told him to stir til it was the color of peanut butter and I came home to something that was the color and consistency of glue.

  15. Since when it is a sin to be organized and a good planner? I’m getting the feeling lately that several of my buddies are becoming irritated with my OCD tendencies (which are for ME – I really strive not to push it on anyone else, bc I used to work with a biotch that pushed her way on everyone and saw how much everyone else hated her), but I’m in leadership of a group we’re all in, so I figure I can do it with beaucoup organization, and the spontaneous people can just ignore until they feel like getting involved…? Any sense there?

    I don’t know how to mow. Still. Though at this point, it’s almost like I’m just trying to see how old I can get without doing it. Same goes for seeing Star Wars.

    I totally had some road rage yesterday and used words in front of my kids I don’t think I’ve ever used before. Something about getting behind the wheel removes my kid filter. Future carpoolers take note – ha! Hopefully the 3.5yo doesn’t go on repeat at her Baptist preschool today!

    Idk how wives to long-working-hours hubs do it. Mine is uber-involved in household chores and parenting, so when the rare time comes that he’s at work a lot, it sucks sucks sucks!! I’m ready for next week to finally be here!!

  16. I have to make a sad face at your comment about hats. 🙁 If I could, I would live in the day where everyone wore hats and it was stylish to do so. I do think people wearing them with the wrong outfit make them look silly, but life is too short to judge each other on a fashion statement! We should dress how we like and enjoy it! So I happily decorate my head.

  17. I wear hats all the time, even fedoras and I wear them in the summer.

    neener-neener

  18. Many years ago I was seeing a therapist, and I had mentioned at one point that I felt like maybe I relied a little too heavily on alcohol as a social lubricant. I had also recently had my purse stolen at the bus stop. My therapist asked how things were going with the drinking, and I said, “Well, pretty great since I don’t have my new ID yet.” She laughed so hard I thought she was going to pee.

  19. Ok, Christal, that was awesome! I have a husband who does his and my son’s laundry, is handy around the house, is a great friend, yada yada. I appreciate all that. He is OCD about his work stuff, but leaves used napkins/ toothpicks laying around like relics. Really? I started to stash the toothpicks on his wallet, laying on his phone, etc. So ashamed. He started leaving them for me in places like my bathroom sink, by my purse, like a South Park show…. UGH.

    If you think your children have behavior you don’t appreciate, let me tell you, I am a school psychologist in a large urban school district. Some of these kids are a hot mess through no fault of their own. I have to change my clothes when I get home and my hubs looked at my face Thursday when I was two hours late; he knew it was a crisis and said “Stop! Leave it at work!” . He had to make dinner that night for sure.

    I have always hated wearing hats (for cold weather) bc my hair doesn’t need any more challenges, but I secretly admire those who can pull it off, and wish I could be a girl who looks good in hats. Sorry to the haters.

    Love this time of the month Sarah!!

  20. I’ve never posted here but I love your blog and always read it when I need a good laugh.

    Fingerless are good for work – I have to work outside and I need to be able to use my fingers, otherwise it’s full fingered gloves.

    It drives me nuts when people that go to church just assume that I go as well. Then they look all crazy and confused when they find out I don’t. I’m pretty sure they think I’m the devil.

    I home-school my kids (9 & 5) because I’m crazy 🙂 I work opposite of my husband so one of us is always with the kids (no daycare etc…). I have an MBA that I don’t use and still owe $60k for and all I want to do is stay home with kids 🙁

  21. Oh, lordy, I’m in awe of women who can get a husband to do things around the house. I definitely trained mine wrong! Though to be honest, I do like things done a certain way now, and it’s easier to do it myself. Kids are grown and gone and it’s just me and him and BIL who is handicapped. (And two dogs and two cats.) I don’t have the energy to do much more than cooking and laundry so the rest of it just doesn’t get done.

    Like I’ve said before, I don’t do recipes that don’t use real eggs or butter, or stuff like that, except for fake sugar (I have to). We did that for awhile on a doctor’s orders, fake eggs, fake cheese, fake butter. It all contributed to the hubby’s quintuple bypass. Which is okay as it saved his life, but fake food is bad for you! It ran his cholesteral out of sight and it took several years to get his health back.

    And as much as I love him, there are days when I wish he wasn’t retired! I used to get a lot more done and now it just doesn’t seem like there’s time enough for anything. Granted, I spend some on the internet, but I used to be able to parcel it out more. Now it’s cooking three meals (didn’t train him right) and cleaning up and taking the dogs out every other day for a couple of hours and doing laundry and whatever care the BIL needs. Used to have the kids to help out some, but he’s pretty clueless unless I get sick or throw a big fit!

    I just hate the fact that I can’t summon enough energy to get some things done. We finally gave up and paid someone to mow the lawn a couple of times. It’s more than either of us can handle. I’ve decided to start getting rid of a bunch of stuff and cutting down on the crafts that are taking up so much room right now. I think I’ll keep mysewing and crochet and let it go at that.

    And it’s so nice to read a blog by a normal person! I like some of the stuff some women do, but this bit of being a “Christian mom and suzy homemaker and crafty-crafty person whose children do everything right” just drives me nuts! I’m not religious but I am spiritual (try to be, anyway) and my kids were little monsters who turned into pretty good people, and my house was always a pit because of said kids and dogs and having to work a full time job a lot of the time. In other words, normal!

  22. My confession is I am worried I am becoming like that sweet flowery blogger you mentioned! For a while I tailored my blog post so I wouldn’t upset anyone and try to attract the most readers, but now I realize that I am just doing this because its fun for me and if people don’t want to read my blog, then they aren’t going to no matter how polite I try to be!