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Confessions, June

I posted some confessions last month, and you knuckleheads seemed to enjoy them.  I thought perhaps I might do some more.  Would yah like that?

Also, I LOVE reading yours, so make sure you add your own in the comments!

1) I rarely remember my mom raising her voice at us growing up.  She taught kindergarten – third grade for over 20 years, so really, I think she was a bit of cheater.  She went to school to learn how to deal with kids.  I don’t have that education, and it shows.

Last week, I bribed Jack with a chocolate covered raisin to just “omg, shut up and sit still for ONE MINUTE.  JUST ONE MINUTE”.

He couldn’t do it.

2) Until I was 25, I thought the ZZ Top song “Sharp Dressed Man” was “Shy Best Man”.  Sing those words the next time you hear this song.  You’ll get it.

3) I love clean and healthy food.  Except, when I’m at Costco.  At Costco, I’ll eat the shit out of some GMO, HFCS, red dye 10 samples.  Gogurt?  Don’t mind if I do.  Philly cheesesteak?  Yes please!  A tiny cup of artificially flavored sparkling sugar water?  :glug glug:

4) Most of the time, I run the dishwasher the night before Troy has a day off.  That way, when he gets home, he’ll unload it.  Unloading the dishwasher is my least favorite household chore EVER.

5) The other day, Troy and I were in the yard because I was getting ready to mow.  He offered to do it, but I said I’d be happy to.  It’s the old school push mower and it’s quite the workout.  He said he could do it faster than me.  I said “is that because my brain and hands are tiny and my period attracts bears”?  He walked away to me yelling “my period attracts bears” again, and I know my weird neighbor heard me.  I have yet to meet the dude’s eye since then.

6) I blog about things that I don’t always tell Troy.  Then I get annoyed with him that he doesn’t know about it, because dude, read my blog.  I never see you, and I hate talking on the phone; subscribe to my feed, and then you’ll know the haps, m’kay?

7) I do my absolute best to be ready for zombie attacks and the grid going down.  However, we had a lot of wind last night, and the power went off.  It was around 8 pm, and I was finally getting a chance to cook myself dinner after a late night at work, working out, and cleaning out the chicken coop.

A legit prepper would have been set.  I on the other hand, almost cried because I was cooking some lumpia and I just wanted to freaking eat already.  I ended the night on the couch reading (it stays light enough to read until about 9:15 pm ish during the summer in Seattle) a book and eating chips and salsa.

Shameful.

Care to share some confessions of your own?  I promise getting things off of your chest is freeing!

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44 comments on “Confessions, June”

  1. I am currently busting my rump to lose weight before I go on a camping trip that my biggest nemesis is going to be on because I want to be skinnier than her…because frankly I hate her guts. And even though in public I take the high road and never say a bad thing about her secretly I wish I had a voodoo doll of her so I could run over it with my car. You said be honest. 🙂 I am really not a violent person, just in this one instance I promise. This beast has spent the last 6 years trying everything to make my life miserable, I just want her gone. Ok, I kind of do feel better.

  2. Okay here it goes
    I have a bladder infection and have used it to get out of everything in the house and yard today. It was my day off and I let the kids have run of the house as long as they let me lay on the couch.
    I read the last comment and am going camping this next weekend with my husbands coworkers and spouses. He has worked with them 6 yrs and secretly thought that above comment was about another wife going with us.
    I thought my cat to pee out side because I HATE to clean the litter box.
    Wow I better get off this before my husband reads over my shoulder and leaves everything out for me to pick up tomorrow.. (Because of the first confession)

  3. You are hilarious. Love what you do.

    I just resumed my own confession feature. Missed yours but will be back, looking for them. Drop you link on mine. I’m asking for links to blogs. Find mine here: http://blackandgraylifemusings.blogspot.com/2013/06/confession-tuesday.html

  4. I brought my dog to work and when he pooped on the front lawn I didn’t pick it up. It was my goodbye present. 🙂 Also, I deleted my previous post of this same confession for grammatical reasons. ha.

  5. I have many people in my life that I can’t stand. I am really a horrible person on the inside but I hide it for the greater good. LOL I work with several non profits and there are people involved that I want to scratch their eyes out. I put up with them as so not to short change the mission of the organization. They have EVERYTHING, from money to job security, perfect health, good looking bodies, a fancy house, etc. It is the little green monster of jealousy, I guess. I know that one should never judge people based on what is on the outside but I can’t help but want to tell them to shut up when their biggest issue is that they need to postpone their annual vacation because her husband has a meeting he has to go to. Meanwhile I spend countless hours and dollars just patching my family’s bodies back together. I know I’m whining, but GEEEEEEZZZZZ! I can’t catch a break.
    I do feel better. 🙂

  6. Told my 3 year old the ice cream truck was just a funny looking car and that darn kid should really turn down his music!
    I have to leave the house by 6 AM, sometimes I bribe my sleepy cranky son with a fruit snack if he lets me brush his teeth…brushing your teeth is super important, now shove this sugary fruit snack in your cry hole and get in the car!

  7. Confessions:
    We told our children that the candy fairy comes and takes away their Halloween candy after a couple of days post Halloween, so that we don’t have to listen to them ask 100 times when they can have another piece.
    I sometimes hide in my bathroom from my three kids, but I think all moms do that.
    I hide boxes of Fruity Pebbles in different places so I don’t have to share them with the kids.

  8. When my husband is home, he does laundry on Sundays while he watches “the game.” My confession? I usually STOP doing laundry on Friday (or Thursday even) so he’ll have plenty to keep him busy … 🙂

  9. I LOVE the confessions! The comment about “my period attracts bears” cracked me up.

    Oh, and I finally just started e-mailing my hubby all of my blog posts so he doesn’t have any excuse now for not reading them. I mean seriously, he spends hours a day reading mountain bikers blogs, he can spend 10-15 minutes to read the latest about what happens around here.

    Lets see…
    I have justified eating not so healthy for the last 3ish months because my hubby is TDY and my kiddo complains about everything I cook. So, to avoid the complaining, we’ve been eating really expensive, gluten-free, GMO-free, organic cereal. That makes us feel like crap, but tastes oh so yummy.

    For said cereal, I will eat a second bowl after the kiddo goes to bed, then feign ignorance as to why there is so little left the next day.

    I finally found a babysitter and feel guilty about how excited I am to go study alone at a cafe for a few hours without her. And get crap to eat and drink.

    While I am so ready for the hubby to be home, I am a little sad that I wont have the bed to myself anymore. 3 months of sleeping all sprawled out has been kinda nice.

    I really want to yell out my apartment window at the people smoking by the front door, to remind them that smoking by the front door isn’t allowed. I HATE when my apartment smells like cigarette smoke because of them. Hate it.

    • When I lived in an apartment there was someone who just moved in smoking in the hallway when he would go to/from his car. I reported him to the rental office. It stopped! Or, make your own signs and plaster them all over the place!

  10. For years I thought “Rock the Casbah” was “Lock the Cashbox.”

  11. Too too funny.

    -I’ve bribed my 1.5yr old nephew with my Kindle and give him car games he really likes. I am just not used to having to exhaust so much energy out of somebody before they become manageable.
    -I tell people all the time that I’ve already eaten when I haven’t, because I’m either not hungry or just want to go chill out and not cook.
    -Not all water bodies cause me anxiety (I’m a strange hydrophobic), but sometimes I’ll fake that they do because people consider it interesting. I.e., I’m not afraid of most over-ground blue pools, but in-ground fountains at night scare the living lights out of me.
    -People think my family is normal and we get along great. I’ve told them so. Because I’d rather them not pry the other way as to how dysfunctional we are and what I have to endure.
    -I ate 2 hotdog franks (no buns) with shredded cheese (microwaved), ketchup and mustard, accompanied by a cup of ramen noodles last night. Gosh, it feels so good to get that out of my chest! I just didn’t want to cook and it was cold and rainy!

  12. I sometimes say ‘I forgot to stop at the store’ when I just don’t want to face grocery shopping people, then call it garbage night and eat what ever we want that’s in the house as long as it doesn’t have to be prepared/cooked.

  13. I am currently taking some online classes in preparation for beginning my second Bachelor’s degree. I really hate the classes that I have to take. Whenever I get an email that you have a new post, I open it in a new tab but don’t let myself read it until I’ve finished some of my homework. Knowing that I get to read this blog at the end makes homework go so much faster! 🙂

  14. I don’t know how your mom did it. I had four kids and I’ve always had a “Drill Sargeant’s Yell” (not my words). My kids and the neighborhood heard it a lot! They knew it was trouble when I got to using three names instead of just one. And there’s no shame in having junk food on a rough night–I always figure it’s a bonus night for me!

    • I only had 2 boys and yelled ALL the time……And sometimes smacked an arm….but not too hard…and just the arm.
      And they both turned out just FINE! A pharmacist and a chef. Not so bad…

  15. I have been teaching middle school students for eleven years and I never yell at them. I even coached for a few years and wasn’t a yeller. Then I had my own kids…and I yell…a lot.

    My two-year-old is currently laying beside me on the couch with her pacifier (which she’s not supposed to have unless she’s in bed) and the iPad (screen time for a toddler?!?). She woke up at 5:50 and I just wanted to keep her quiet so she wouldn’t wake up my other two daughters and my in-laws, who are staying with us.

    Sometimes snack time is declared in my house because a) I want my kids to clean up all their toys and they’ll do it quickly to get a snack or b) I just want them to be quiet and stay still for a few minutes.

  16. When my daughter was a toddler, she was addicted to her bottle. Milk could ONLY be in a bottle, not a sippy cup. Don’t ask me why. It just was, she’s peculiar like that. By the time she turned 3, we weaned her to 1 bottle a day, but she was still addicted. Shortly after her birthday, we were taking a trip to Florida and I told her Florida didn’t believe in bottles and we couldn’t bring it with us. I brought one just in case she had a breakdown, but I didn’t have use it. She gave up the bottle…and milk (remember, milk could only be in a bottle, not a cup, ). During her kindergarten year I bribed her with chocolate milk to get her to start drinking it again. Fortunately milk could be in a glass this time. She’s now 8 and will only drink chocolate milk made at home (no premixed stuff, no handmixed chocolate milk at anyone else’s house). Kid, help a mother out!

  17. I am an aspiring makeup artist. I justify my makeup purchases every time I leave the house with that. But it’s really because I feel unappreciated with everything I do around here. So I pay myself in makeup, and smudge the budget a bit to cover the expense.

  18. I sometimes ignore texts from my best friend because I don’t wanna hangout with her and her kids. I make my husband lie about it to her husband too!

    At work, I sometimes act like I am really busy with my patient load (when really I am not) so I don’t have to take on another patient-leaving it for someone whose shift isn’t as long as mine. Sound bad?

    I told my manager I was going to the beach today so I wouldn’t be asked to work extra! All I wanted was to have a freaking day off! (but, why did I feel guilty then?)

    I eat like crap a lot because my husband refuses to eat healthier and I just don’t care….until I look in the mirror! 🙁

    I don’t have my own kids but really like to yell at my friends kids when she isn’t around if they are doing something they shouldn’t! Hehehe! The look on their faces is priceless!

    I am sure there are more but I’ll save them for next time!

  19. 2) Until I was 25, I thought the ZZ Top song “Sharp Dressed Man” was “Shy Best Man”. Sing those words the next time you hear this song. You’ll get it.

    I always thought ZZ’s song was Sharp A$$ed Man. I guess my hormones were raging and my mind was in the gutter the first time I heard this song when I was in high school. The sad thing is, it took me almost 15 years before realized it was Sharp Dressed Man and only because someone told me.

  20. I’m really afraid of zombies. I linked to your blog post because you mentioned them. My post is all about zombies today. http://atasteofalaska.blogspot.com/2013/06/zombie-cocktail.html

  21. My confession is that I’m really jealous of all the girls at work wearing pretty-colored toenail polish and open-toe sandals.

    Last year a recurring toenail fungus came back with a vengeance. At first I went back on Terbinafine, which is an internal anti-fungal medication (pills). It didn’t seem to be helping this time, and I took it for 3 months. I stopped because my stomach felt weird when I took it, and it has the potential to cause kidney problems.

    So lately I have been putting tea tree oil on it every morning and every night. Healthy nail is growing in, but too bad it takes about a year for a toenail to completely grow out. But then, the cherry on the cupcake came when my boyfriend accidentally stepped on my toe while giving me a hug. All of the unhealthy nail broke off. So now, I only have half my toenail.

    So yes it may be first world problems, but I would really love to confidently wear pretty summer sandals during our hot ass summers, without worrying about people looking at my toe 🙁

    So while some ladies envy girls who have hot summer bods that can pull off bikinis and tiny shorts, I am staring longingly at strappy sandals with punchy polish shades, while my feet are sweating in my closed toe shoes.

    • Oh you poor thing!!! Could you simply put a bandaid over the big toe and say “my boyfriend stepped on my toenail”?

    • Huh, that is really simple but could totally work! Because I usually wrap it up in tissue or something to keep it from rubbing inside my shoe, but I never really thought of wearing a bandaid with open toe shoes. And if people ask, like you said just say my boyfriend stepped on my toe! Poor guy gets all the blame to cover up my less-than-glamorous secret ;D

      p.s.- One more confession is that some part of my brain thinks of you as a wise aunty that I learn so much about parenting, frugality, and healthy relationships from. Arrrgh, that sounds a little creepy but it comes from a good place!

    • The nail salon can also place a “fake” toenail made out of acrylic (like on your fake fingernails) over the damaged toenail. I do this because my big toenails keep breaking off because I wear flip-flops and go barefoot all of the time:)))).

  22. I had minutes to okay tonight. Between what I added and what the other person wrote we are going to piss some members off. And I want to. There is this tiny bitchy part of me that is really happy. It is my way of saying get off your asses and support the community!

    As for the first comment, I get that. There is someone who has been nasty to me, lied about me, lied about my business….. and still I slap a smile on my face and be nice to her because so many people just love her. I really want to say to them including her besty, would you like to know what she says about YOU? I hope people find out what a two faced witch she is.

  23. Wednesday morning I gave an old man totally wrong directions on the subway (north was south, up was down). I hadn’t had my coffee yet, so I wasn’t braining yet. Not a big pray-er, but I asked God to get him where he was going, because this human failed miserably. *FACEPALMEXTREME*

  24. 1) I am the laziest person on earth. I’ve been wanting to have family over for a year, but am too lazy to straighten up my near-hoarding level house. I work 6 days a week, and sleep ALL DAY on the 7th day.

    2) I wish I would win the lottery or in some other way be independently wealthy, because I just want to sleep.

    3) I read your blog when I should be working!

    4) Until I was in my 20s, I thought the green and white highway signs saying “SHA Garage” indicated the name of a town. I commented to my dad how funny it was that almost every state we’d been in had a town called SHA Garage! I felt like an idiot when he explained that it stood for State Highway Administration Garage.

    5) Until I was in my 30s, I thought turkey shoots involved shooting actual turkeys.

  25. We moved in with my mother in law to help around the house and save money. She is a serious pack rat and seriously spends all day watching hgtv while I clean the house. Its been a month and I am tired of living out of a box. So I have been secretly throwing away a bunch of her crap and putting the rest of it in boxes to go in the basement because she won’t. because no one needs 57 (I counted) coffee mugs when you don’t drink coffee. It feels amazing.

  26. Confessions for June….
    When my boys were 4, 6 and 8, we bought them each a fish of their choice because my mother-in-law was sick with cancer and we wanted to distract them. My husband was also gone a lot, helping to take care of his mother 3 states away from where we lived, so it was also a “bribe” thing, to get them to not whine so much and fight when dad was gone (“Want to go get more fish for your tank?”). The kids picked out Mollies at first; but when they repopulated so much, so fast (and mommy flushed all the babies down the toilet at night after kids went to bed – insert “taps” here:), we got 2 goldfish and an algae eater. One morning, before I had looked at the tank, my middle son saw his fish floating at the top of the tank. To keep him from crying, I told him that it was just taking a nap (as all goldfish do – wink, wink) and I quickly took them over to my mom’s house, so that I could sneak to the pet store (with the dead fish in a baggie) and get another one that looked just like the last one. I got it almost exactly right, but the new one was slightly larger. Of course, my kid noticed it and asked immediately why his fish was bigger – I told him that it had just eaten a lot and had grown really fast. My boys are now 16, 18 and 20; and they still do not know how the fish grew!

  27. I have to add one more because I love this blog and I think Sara will appreciate this – since she told her husband about the bears and period thing…..since I have three boys, and I am the only girl in the house, everything about me that is different was always extremely fascinating to the boys. One day, my middle child (again) and his younger brother came out with a whole box of my pads, wanting to know what they were. I told them they were big band-aids – big mistake. A couple of weeks later, we had a whole houseful of company over, and my middle child comes out with pads stuck all over his arms and legs. After I got through having a heart attack, I asked him what he was doing. His response – “I fell and i had a lot of bo-bo’s to cover up. These were the only bandaides big enough.”

  28. Until I read #2 (just now,) I thought the same thing. Just heard that song a couple days ago. I can’t believe I never knew!