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Screw New Years Resolutions – try a January challenge with me

If you have read my blog for any length of time, you know I don’t make New Years resolutions – rather I prefer to set goals.  Those goals are really just a “wish” of what I’d like to accomplish over the next year.  One of my main goals for 2013 was to learn to make soap.

Didn’t happen.

So yeah…

Anyway, this year I decided that instead of a 2014 goal, I was going to challenge myself to try an experiment for the month of January; no nagging of my husband.

I am calling it “No Naguary”.

Troy is one of the best dudes you’ll likely never meet.  He is kind-hearted, straight up an amazing dad, and funny as hell.  But homeboy cannot push a chair in after he gets out of it.  It drives me bananas.  If we were to divorce, the filing would say “petitioner says soon to be former spouse can’t push his f$&king chair in and she can’t take it anymore”.

I’ve tried asking him, I’ve tried reminding him.  Hell, Jack even reminds him.  Jack, our four year old – he even remembers to push his chair it!  One night during prayers at dinner, Jack asked Jesus to remind Poppy to push his chair in after the meal.

Should it bother me so much?  Should I just let it go?  No, and yes.  But here is why I can’t: because it is such an EASY thing to remember to do.  You get out of a chair, and then push it back in.  Simple.  Four year olds can do it.  If it was something complicated, it wouldn’t drive me so up the wall; the simplicity of the issue is what gets to me.

After years (YEARS) of this issue, I realize it isn’t getting any better.  In fact, it might be getting worse.  Chairs are never pushed in around our house, and I am starting to twitch about it.

If that wasn’t crazy making enough, Troy has this habit of going in to our closet and walking out without turning off the light.  Same concept as the chair – you turn a light on, you should turn it off.  Can’t do it.  Gun to his head, he can’t turn off the light.  And like the chair issue, this one has been going on for years and shows zero signs of progress.

I think it was about the time I made this and tacked it near the door to the hallway, that perhaps I might have gone too far with my reminding:

Ahem

The other day I was reflecting on the amount of energy I was expelling to try to remind him to do such simple tasks, with zero return on my effort.  ZERO.

And so?

And so, for January, I have resolved to not say one little nagging, reminding, passive-aggressive thing about these issues.  Or any other little issues (please believe, there are more.  Perhaps I need to speak to a professional).  My lips are sealed, and while I might be slowing dying on the inside to scream “for fuck sakes, just push in the chair”, I will remain silent. 

I am super curious to see if there are any results from my silence.  My plan isn’t to become some insipid 1950’s housewife where I greet him with pearls and a martini and assume he is perfect simply because he so happens to be a man.  Rather, it’s to try to spend the next 30 days letting the little things go.

I am sure there are things about me that drive him crazy, but my sainted husband is a bit less vocal than me!

Will our relationship around these issues change?  Will my head explode?  Will a single chair get pushed in over the next month?  Who knows, but tune in at the end of the month for a status report!

If you would like to join me in my “No Naguary” quest, please leave a comment and let us know what nails on the chalkboard issue are you going to give up harping on your loved ones about!
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28 comments on “Screw New Years Resolutions – try a January challenge with me”

  1. I was reading this thinking to myself 1) thank goodness I’m not alone and 2) I can’t believe how similar this is to my house and 3) I really need to join you. My husband also has a light problem. He turns on every single light and then just leaves them on, no matter what part of the house he is in. Why…WHY? 🙂 I’ll try to let that go. Thanks for being hilarious, so real, and so funny. I love your blog!

  2. I am so on-board with No-Naguary! I assumed I was the only person on the planet that wanted to scratch her husband’s eyes out simply because he refuses to remember to change the cat’s food and water bowls. EVERY DAY. He puts down a plate of wet food and merrily skips away without part 2 of the feeding ritual. I will commit to no-Naguary, and then commit myself to the loony bin.

  3. Thank GOODNESS I’m not the only one that feels so naggy! My boyfriend sometimes speaks with improper English (“Valentimes” vs “Valentines”) and runs the dishwasher with, like, only 5 dishes in it. I need to stop nagging him because it is putting a strain on our relationship, but it is practically impossible for me not to say anything! I will join you for no-Naguary!

  4. I’ll hop on board (even though I fear that I’ll fall off soon and have to run to catch up), because I want to be nicer to my wife. Our adoption homestudy asks, “What is one thing you’d change about your partner?” — I want her to listen to me the first time and follow instructions! None of this repeating her name 3 or 4 times to get her to look up from the screen, and then an absentminded “uh-huh” that is forgotten in seconds. *sigh*

  5. Cupboards and drawers. It takes the same amount of energy to close it after opening. I walk in the kitchen and its like we’ve been robbed, but no every door and drawer is open for the quest of a single bowl of cereal. And the asking me where stuff is, without spending enough time looking. So I will give the No-Naguary a try. My odds are semi good leaving for last 2 weeks in the month.

  6. I’ve made signs for the hubs that say “Do you have your swim trunks?” And one that reminded him to take his wallet with him…. watcha gonna do? Can’t live with them…. etc.
    Hugs

  7. Y’all Crack Me Up!!!!! I think it is part of the male genes that get passed down from generation to generation. My dear wonderful husband who gets up each morning to make me cappuccino (even when he doesn’t drink coffee) cannot put a blooming dish in the dishwasher EVER! I will attempt to join in the “No Naguary”, but like Remy – I fear I will fall off and then not have an energy to catch up with the rest of y’all. Thanks Sarah for a year of laughter and lots more (I am sure) to come!

  8. Did you peek in my house?? =) My hubby NEVER pushes in his chair – unless we have company. Perhaps I will try your “No Naguary” as well. My biggest pet peeve is that I have this wonderful island counter top in my kitchen – that I can’t use because it ALWAYS has ‘stuff’ on it. Clutter and crap. Sometimes I add to it to make a point – that is ignored or missed. {sigh} I just discovered your blog and am eager to see what you have in store. =)

  9. Oh, Sarah! I LOVE this!!! Honey, I’d need hours to tell you all the things he does that make me want to punch him in the throat. But, you’re so right. It’s a waste of time and energy to keep nagging about the same things over and over (we’ve been together nearly 30 years, and NOTHING has changed!!) I’m totally going to get on board with No Naguary. I can’t promise I’ll make it til the end, but I’m going to try my damnedest. Our wedding anniversary is Jan. 19, so I hope I can at least make it that far. 😉

  10. I’m with ChiTown–35 years and I still can’t get him to close the cabinet doors in the kitchen! You can guess who the short one in the family is! I’m just tall/short enough to run into them, and it hurts!! I finally decided years ago to pick my battles with him or the kids and everything else is water under the bridge. There are a lot of things you just wind up doing without thinking about it because you finally decide the battles just aren’t worth it and the good points out weigh the bad. I can even tell you what I do that drives him crazy (whole other comment)!! The only time the nagging actually worked? The night one of the boys left the toilet seat up and I had a screaming hissy fit at 2 o’clock in the morning because I was half asleep and didn’t look before sitting down. Cold, wet, and mad, and woke everyone in the house up about it!

  11. OMG! LOVE LOVE LOVE your post. I can so relate. As I type every dang light in the house is on. I’m glad I’m not the ‘lone ranger’ on this.

  12. Oy, DH can’t push in his chair either, and he’s not a small dude. Drives. Me. Crazy! I tease him that he missed that day in kindergarten…
    I can’t commit to No-Naguary bc I’m due w LO #2 next Thurs, but I’m betting I’ll have my hands full enough trying to figure out how to parent two kids that I’ll probably let his irritating shit slide. 😉 He took over Freezer Cooking Bonanza 2014 today, and every time I went in the kitchen, I could feel my blood pressure shoot up as there was shit everywhere. Like everywhere. I’m a clean-as-I-go cook, and he is decidedly opposite. My skin was crawling with all the trash all over the counters, BUT, since he was actually doing all that shit for the benefit of both of us, I just shut my mouth and threw stuff in the trash. Because it’s so far from the rest of the kitchen…

  13. Sarah, thank you, once again, for saying it. Let’s see. Where do I begin? Why is it a grown man can carry his dirty dishes all the way into the kitchen (which is good), but somehow canNOT lower them by 1-3 feet into the dishwasher?! (Bad) And why are alllll the lights left on in the house when he’s the last to come upstairs for bed (very irritating)? Or, worse, walk past me on our way there and leave turning off the lights to me instead of helping (drives me NUTS)? I will happily join you in this challenge and be glad it’s only for a month. You know, as I’m typing this, the wonderful things he does regularly keep crowding into my thoughts. He does drive me to jaw clenching frustration, but he’s a good man. PS… I look forward everyday to seeing what you are doing and what you have to say. Can’t wait to see where you take us this year!

  14. Leaving his dishes on the counter. We got a huge sink with our new counters and the man will not put a dish in the sink. (I don’t even care that he ignores the dishwasher too!) he claims that he thinks it looks cleaner to not put them in the sink. He’s serious too.

  15. ya, good luck with that…. your head will explode before he pushes in a chair… i garuntee it. knowledge through experience. my husband grew up with a houseboy,cook and driver. then married little old me who is trying to get a hookup to to raw milk so i can make my own butter. not a good mix when it comes to the little things…. i tryed the no nag thing and my head exploded. now i nag, he does not do the little things (ie cloths dropped NEXT TO THE HAMPER!!!) but i accept it and move on but because i nagged and bitched a bit my head does not go kablooie.

  16. The light thing drove me CRAZY! No one would turn off the light in the laundry room, except for me. Then I found a motion detector light switch kit at HD. Spent 15 mins changing out the switch plate and installing that bad boy, and now the light goes on when we walk near the switch (!) and turns off 3 minutes after the last detection of movement! No hands! Yay technology! I found a timer switch kit that I’m about to install on my sister’s closet light switch- she turns the light on, it shuts off 5, 10, or 15 minutes later. Best $10 I ever spent, and I only used a screwdriver to install!

  17. I’m going to start this by saying I ADORE my husband. He is the best man in the world and he tries sooo hard!

    I tell him all the time he was born with the 95% gene. He starts unloading the dishwasher (after I ask him to Of course, not of his own accord) and unloads everything but the utensils. Then he walks away and leaves it wide open. I round the corner and Slam my shin into a open dishwasher 95% empty. I fold the clothes and he saves them. He doesn’t put up the socks they are just chillin on the coffee table.

    Those are just two examples and I can give you hundreds. He literally does everything I ask of him. He just does it 95%of the way

  18. I don’t have a significant other, but at my parents’ house, one of my younger siblings has the habit of putting the towel in the hamper. After 1 use, and continues to use it. It stinks to high heaven and I think it is repulsive. So I took dry-erase markers and wrote “please do not throw the towel in the hamper– it gets stinky. (sad face)” It actually worked, lol, and they never removed the message. I took it down recently, and surprise, the towel is still being hanged (half-assedly, I must say), but at least it’s not in the hamper anymore. I think Chick has the right idea about timers for lights. We have some of them at work, because nobody would ever turn off the lights in the coolers and walk-in freezers. Now they turn off by themselves after 5min, whether you are there or not. You can also set it to longer (up to 20min?), but most of the time, people just walk in, get the stuff and walk away.

  19. Oh my, I feel compelled to join the No Naguary movement. I am like you – twitching over the little things my lovely husband doesn’t do/notice. It drives me bonkers. This should be interesting !!

  20. I think this is a fantastic idea. I didn’t realize so many others had wonderful husbands with little things that drove them crazy. I assumed I was just a jerk. So this January, every time I find that there are tissues all over the clothes in the wash or that everything else got done except the one thing I NEEDED done, I will take a deep breath and do it my damn self. Because he is so much better than I give him credit for when I focus on those little annoying things.

  21. Holy Shit balls!!! This it totally my husband and some! My husband is the best guy but geez louise he it terrible at house work! Even his garage is a HUGE mess! He leaves trash on the counter because “he wants me to make sure it’s not recycling!” I don’t care where it goes….just put it some where! lol. I prob won’t make it the whole month…..but I will try!

  22. It might be that you stop noticing some of them… 🙂 Good luck!

  23. We have a linen closet at the end of the hallway, where we keep all the towels. Of course :p Anyway, whenever my husband or son get a towel out they leave the door open. It deives me crazy. You had to open it, why cant you close it back again???? Im trying not to let it bother me anymore, but its easier said than done lol

  24. I will join this challenge as well. I hope I survive it without losing my mind. My husband likes to turn on lights and leave them on, he opens cabinets and doesn’t close them back and idk why now that we are married and living together he doesn’t like to put the toilet sit downM! Like omg!! He did when we weren’t married and he would come over to my place. Gosh that drives me the most crazy because he didn’t even leave his own toilet sit at his apartment up!!!!

  25. I won’t be joining this challenge. As a matter of fact, it took me almost 2 weeks to be able to talk calmly about it. That behavior is incredibly childish & self centered.
    I stopped washing my husband’s clothes because he would take his socks off & leave them in a ball. Now that he does his own, they aren’t left that way- imagine that! It was a subtle way of treating me poorly.
    It took a long time, in baby steps, but I stopped being a doormat & refuse to put up with actions like that. BTW, we’ve been married for 31 years so far.