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Confessions, August

I’ve been slacking on posting confessions for the last two months; forgive me!

New here?  Confessions are (supposed to be) a monthly feature where I say stuff most people are too afraid to say, but I say it anyway.  And then you get to say your own confessions and we all go about our merry way with the weight off of our chests.

Here we go!

1) Parents who have boys with really long hair annoy the crap out of me if they get pissy when you think their child is a girl.  If your kid’s hair can be put in pig tails, excuse the hell out of me for thinking your kid is a chick if I’m seeing them from behind.

2) I handle every single bill that comes in our house.  Troy would likely have to pause and think for at least 30 seconds to tell you what bank we use.  He wouldn’t even begin to tell you what we pay my parents in rent each month, what our cell phone bills are, etc.  I file the taxes, collect all the W2s, and mail it in to the IRS.

And freaking WITHOUT FAIL, all joint financial statements and checks come addressed to “Troy and Sarah (last name)”.  Freaking sexist pigs.

3) I’m embarrassed to admit that I was probably in my teens before I realized that the “smiling Eskimo“on the Alaskan Airlines planes,

index

was not actually “Pa” from Little House on the Prairie.

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4) Side pony tails.

ENOUGH.

5) Growing up, my favorite show was Murder She Wrote.  A runner up?  Matlock.  I was pretty much the coolest seven year old on earth.

6) I’ve been making laundry detergent for years, but have actually purchased some twice in the last few months.  Stay with me here.  I LOVED our homemade stuff, but when we got an HE top loader, the castille soap I was using the recipe just wouldn’t dissolve.

A few years ago, my friend Mary shared a liquid laundry detergent recipe with me that inspired me to start making my own (but I was lazy and made the powdered version).  I decided to try out the liquid detergent, but needed a liquid detergent container large enough to hold a batch of the homemade.  So I bought a jug of free and clear from Costco and it was lovely to just buy it.  And it felt so good, I bought another jug.  This time I’ll make my own, but man oh man, it was so easy to just put it in my giant Costco cart and go about my life.

7) I really love the song Hoizer song, Take Me to Church, even though I can tell it’s making fun of religion, and I um, go to church religiously (ha ha).

8) What is with the new really short skirt/dress trend?  At what point did we all decide that as grown women (and mothers of girls) that our vaginas needed to be flashed to the world. If I can tell how many children you’ve had while dressed, your skirt needs more fabric.  M’kay.

9) I used to drive a scooter (cheap Vespa knock off) when we lived in Olympia, and for a year or so in Los Angeles.  I had to take a motorcycle safety class, and pass a motorcycle drivers test.  So, I know that motorcyclists are taught what a safe driving distance is, safe passing, etc.

The other morning, a motorcyclist was driving like a complete ass during my commute.  He was weaving in and out of traffic, and tail-gating to the point where he could change the radio station in some cars.  When he got so close to ME, it took every ounce of self-control I had to not turn on my windshield wiper washers.  The idea of hosing this guy with cleaner fluid was so tempting.

How about you?  Your turn; get that stuff of your chest!

 

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24 comments on “Confessions, August”

  1. I cracked up at your #8.

    I got into a yelling match with another motorist yesterday. I didn’t use any curse words, neither did he, but we still argued and it felt GOOD. As he was leaving me, he gave me the thumbs down, LOL. Who does that?

    Confessions:

    1) I want to be immature and blast my sister on FB for being the disrespectful brat she is…. but I don’t. I’m 33.

    2) I kind of want to relive the birthing experience by having another child. But my tubes are tied. #whatareyagonnado

    3) I was nervous being out in the city last Friday because there was a rumor going around that some people were going to do a “Purge.”

  2. Good timing with this. On Saturday my hubby wrecked on his mountain bike and landed in the hospital. As a hover mother (and wife), I’ve been here with him the whole time (well, except for the two times I ran home to grab food and clothes). We should be going home today. It’s Thursday.

    Anyway, we were suppose to go camping with friends Saturday night and so I was crazy busy Saturday morning getting ready for the camping trip- farmers market, grocery store, trying to get the dishes done and food prepped as well as needing to run to base to rent the camping gear. Oh, and I had a truck bed full of soil that I needed to empty into the new raised beds I had just made the day before.

    What is the hubby doing? A load of laundry and getting ready to go for a quick bike ride. I was torqued all morning and wanted to tell him to get his head out of his ass, forget the ride, and help me out (and he did help shovel the soil out of the truck). But I didn’t.

    Just as the kiddo and I were walking out the door to go rent the camping stuff (farmers market and groceries already done), I get a phone call that he wrecked, thinks his clavicle is broken again and that some guy is taking him to the ER.

    After the initial panic settled down, there was one brief mean moment when all I could think was, “serves your right.” But really, I’m just jealous that he has such an awesome stress reliever and an awesome wife that lets him ride whenever he needs to.

    • This is the one you save for when he wants to do something really stupid. You just give him “The Look” (I hope you know how) and then go quiet. Trust me, works really well.

  3. My husband is (possibly…probably…maybe…most likely) being considered for a promotion which would involve relocation. They first mentioned it in MARCH. It is now AUGUST. I have been treading water for lo these many months. Pack, or no? Prep house to sell, or no? Make plans, or no? Sign up for x, y, z, or no?

    For the last week (since the interview and testing phase has been completed with STILL no clear direction) I have been a total moody, brooding, volatile mess of a wife. I know I’m being irrational and overly emotional…and I CAN NOT STOP.

  4. I have worked hard in the garden all spring/summer to get veg enough to freeze and can so we don’t buy anything other than potatoes, onions and carrots in the winter. And when I started to get excited because the tomatoes are starting to turn hubby declares we’ll have to buy tomatoes to can/juice (which I agree with) because afterall the garden is just my hobby anyhow. I could have killed him. There are 16 tomato plants out there, not to mention cabbage, beans, broccoli, cauliflower, beets, carrots and squash (plus asparagus, rhubarb, blackberries and strawberries which are already finished). Did I mention pears, quince and apples to be harvested and processed too?

  5. So. Much. Farting.

  6. Hey, how about soap nuts? I’ve heard good things about them and they seem pretty easy to use. I made my own detergent once and it seemed to work well, but then I got lazy. It’s nice to cut yourself slack sometimes!

    I am a mother of a boy with long (curly) hair. I’m just so attached to it and can’t bring myself to cut it. I don’t get mad when people think he’s a girl. It does get kinda awkward when I purposely slip a “he” into the next sentence. Sometimes I don’t bother to say it. And a small part of me keeps it long because it ticks off my mother-in-law and my Gramma.

  7. #3 For some reason I thought it was Abraham Lincoln. I never really looked at it till now.

    Confession, I am grumpy. My Step-Daughter has saved enough money and wants to buy a car. But not just any car. It has to be low miles, perfect condition, and under 5000. Oh and it really needs to be an Audi, BMW or a Lexus. WHAT?!? Yes she’s young and I know she will get over it (status cars,) eventually ( hopefully), but in the mean time she is making me crazy with looking at ALL the car lots within the area. Oh and craigs list too which scares me…

  8. As far as having both your names on things go, it’s a legal thing. You may do all the work, but he has to be able to access everything if something happens to you. It took years, and a screwed up bank account (because I can’t balance one to save my life) to get my husband to help. Thank God for Quicken! I get the bills organized and we go through and see who gets paid and what’s left for groceries, etc. Prescriptions are now eating almost as much of our money as food (thank Obamacare for that one).

    And what’s with fat little old ladies in short dresses gardening? Good grief, if you’re to old to kneel and have to bend over, put some damn pants on ’cause I don’t want to see your old junk all over the place! Same thing with skinny old men and those nasty running shorts they seem to think are sexy. (We just won’t mention speedos on almost any male around, okay?) If you’re so damn hot then go inside and let a fan blow up your whatevers, I’ve done it and can highly reccomend it, don’t expose the rest of us to nastiness.

    You should have done that with the motorcyclist, too funny. Most of them know better because they’ve been in enough near accidents. They give cars a wide berth.

    Bicyclists are the ones that piss me off mightily. I’ve seen one sit in a turn lane, waiting to go and blocking traffic because he wasn’t heavy enough to trip the signal! Whole line of cars behind him wanting to go, several changes of the light, and he finally gets on the sidewalk so someone can pull up and trip the signal. What I wouldn’t have given for something to hit him with, paintball gun comes to mind. The ones who ride the white line at the side of the roads out here are the worst. That’s a fog line, so you can see the edge of the road in fog (a serious problem at times here in WA for those of you who don’t live here) there are big drop offs on some road edges what with canyons and all. It’s not a “bicycles can ride here and endanger themselves and the rest of the traffic” line. One side or the other people, that’s why there’s a shoulder on a lot of roads!I even had an argument with a guy who writes a column on bike safety in the newspaper in Brememrton about it. My husband is a surveyor, he knows what the line is for, dumbass. (Ooooohhh, that one felt good!!)

    • Oh, I know it’s legal for both our names to be on it. The problem I have is that his name is FIRST, simply because a man. They can’t even justify another reason, because if they were alphabetized, my name would still be first!

      • You know, it might be a hassle, but if it bugs you that much you could change most of it? (Unless it would bother Troy’s ego too much?) All our bills come mostly in my name because I’m the one who handles everything, writes the checks, etc. He has access because I put his name on stuff, but I’m the one who does it. Shoot, I even deal with the bank more, and I do all the shopping. I’m not sure he wouldn’t get carded because the stores mostly haven’t ever seen him! He drives me there (don’t drive anymore), but he sits in the car and I go in. Even the pharmacy has me as the person who is authorized to pick up everything. Maybe this is why women live longer than men, we get tired of doing it all ourselves and when men have to figure out how, they give up.

  9. 1. I work at junior high schools and am constantly out places over the summer wondering WHY parents let their teenage daughters out in dresses that barely cover their underpants. I have three young daughters who will one day consider me the Evil Witch of Modest Clothing.

    2. Tonight they consider me the Evil Witch of STAY THE HELL IN YOUR BEDS OR THERE WILL BE NO TV/IPAD/TREATS TOMORROW!

    3. I am so happy to get summers off with my children, but at the same time it is nice to be back at work where I get to eat my lunch with no one begging for bites of it or spilling their water on me. And I go WHOLE MINUTES without anyone needing anything from me.

    4. We went to Meet the Teacher night at our daughters’ new (much higher socioeconomic than the previous) school tonight and I immediately wished we were back at the old school when the mom in front of me was carrying in some Pinterest-style vase surrounded by pencils, full of apple-shaped cookie pops. Thanks, Perfect Mom. I already felt bad enough that I was bringing store brand tissues!

  10. When my children were little I would get weepy at the thought of them one day moving out and having their own lives. They are both now in college and as I trip over shoes, pass a bathroom strewn with makeup or enter a room that smells like young adult male, one word has become my mantra……..Soon!

  11. #3 looks like John Walton to me.

    Confessions:

    1. At the beginning of summer, I am all “I’m going to home school!” (My son is 6 now.) By the end of summer, I’m all “When can I send his little ass to school???”

    2. I am the introvert of our little family. My hubby and his “clone” are very social creatures. I prefer to be home with a book or computer.

    3. While driving, I talk to/yell at/cuss out other drivers for being too slow (& in the wrong lane) and not “knowing how to drive” in general.

    4. In line w/#2, I’m more comfortable having a conversation via text or email. I don’t even have a phone conversation w/my best friend but once a blue moon – & she lives in Montana.

  12. We have had sewer problems this week. How hard is it to use the phone book and find a plumber? I finally wrote down all the plumbers who were somewhat close and gave it to dh. He sat and waited for one to call him back. I was like a freaking crazy woman, I will not live without a working sewer! Find a plumber!! I understand making a profit too but really $300 just to show up at my door? I remember a larger company 80 miles away, shoved the phone number at dh and we had a plumber in a few hours.

    My son has long hair but he is 20. What gets me is when people call him a girl. Half the time he doesn’t shave so he has all this stubble. Really a girl?

  13. Here’s mine. I just got laid off, & I’m trying to feel bad about it, because the pay was very good. But honestly- I’m relieved. No more sweltering shop. No more ignorant, misogynist supervisor, no more stupid drama from women bored out of their minds putting a little metal thing onto a different metal thing.
    Thank you ATK, for forever changing how awesome Savage Arms was. I won’t miss you. At all.

    • So it seems Freedom Arms is really trying to live up to the American Ideal. Buy a company, screw the employees, and shut it down because of crappy products?

      • Sure. Thanks to the shareholders too, for voting out the CEO, Ron Coburn, who turned it around out of bankruptcy a few years ago, too. All they have to do now, is move the company 90 miles, to get rid of the union, & they’ll be all set.\
        I’ve been looking at starting a business, because I see a market. Wish me luck!

      • Definitely!!

  14. Thank you Sarah! I’ve missed your confessions!
    I would have sprayed the biker!
    I un-friended my mother on Facebook! It felt good. I know she knows, but she hasn’t said anything. She made an unnecessary comment on a picture of my dad. Bye-bye mom!
    I’ve also hung up on her, pretending it was a dropped call. I’m horrible sometimes, but she makes me want to throw my phone so far into the woods, no one could ever find it!

  15. I also thought the airplane logo was someone else…Jimmy Hendrix, or another afro’ed person. Until 2 or 3 years ago. I’m 37.

  16. I too love “take me to church” by Hozier. I live in SC but listen to iheart radio – a station in Portland I do believe and they play it. It is actually about being gay – which I’m not but somehow I am drawn to that darned song!

    Oh well!

    Confession: I love my son’s dog, Apollo, but my husband hates the dog. He swears the dog is making his asthma act up – even though he has two dogs of his own! He asked me to not let Apollo up on the bed when he’s gone……I do because I just love that damn dog! He is a Brittany Spaniel and so very cute and funny and adorable and…cute!