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Confessions – January

Oh friends, it is that silly time of the month again. Wait, that sounds um, personal. No, it is confessions time! We all unburden ourselves of excessive silliness and have a great giggle. Let’s roll!

  1. As a religious person, I tend to not doubt God’s intent too much. But, for the love of Pete, every time I see a cat, I think “did you really need to make their butthole so prominent”? I mean, that thing is just in your face. What is the purpose of alllllll that?
  2. There is a VFW branch (chapter?) in town. Any time I drive by it, I always want to stop in and ask why they haven’t dropped the “F” from their name. As far as I know, we haven’t had a non-foreign war in over 150 years. I imagine they must do amazing things as an organization, or at least offer a great deal of support to their members. But, yeah, the foreign part always throws me.
  3. Dear NFL, I know there is a typical audience for football games, but little kids watch too. If you could cool it with the total creeper Viagra and Cialis ads, I would be much obliged.
  4. I made cinnamon rolls a few days ahead of Christmas. The recipe I use calls for two rises (itย uses yeast), but I just throw the covered pan in the fridge for the second rise and they can stay in there for a few days. You bake the day of and people think you slaved away that morning. Anyway, Troy had to work between the time I made the rolls, and Christmas morning, so I made an extra batch for him to take to work. One of the batches was ugly as hell, so I kept those home. I didn’t want Troy’s coworkers to think I made ugly cinnamon rolls. The ugly batch ended up tasting delicious, but the pretty batch was both photo worthy, and tasty. I have a reputation to uphold.
  5. I know that part of the paleo lifestyle is eating in the way that our “caveman” ancestors lived. No beans because they wouldn’t have been able to cultivate them and no safe way to cook them. No wheat because it wasn’t around and couldn’t be consumed in present day form. And so on, and so on. I don’t fault anyone for eating in whatever manner they choose. But I always have to laugh when I see paleo blogs using ghee and coconut sugar. So, cavemen couldn’t grow beans, but they had the foresight to milk a cow, churn butter, then heat that butter to remove dairy solids? Dude, I totally understand the need for butter in recipes, and ghee is delicious. I’m not making fun of anyone, but it always gives me a chuckle.
  6. I don’t like magic. That’s right, I said it. It’s boring and most magicians are creepy AF. Neil Patrick Harris seems to be the exception.
  7. I feel like Google is trying to make me feel old. No matter what I do, half of the browser windows it opens is at 125% size. And I’m fairly certain it started right after I turned 35. Joke is on you Google; I’ve had terrible eyesight since I was 10.
  8. It makes me cringe when any recipe has the term “skinny” in it. Like “skinny lasagna” or crap like that. I say this as a person who is naturally fairly slender, so this isn’t a jealousy thing or anything like that. Why does it make me cringe? Because skinny does not equal healthy. I know tons of skinny people who are completely unhealthy. I also know people who may not be a sample size, but they could whoop your butt in a 5k or a spin class. Also, simply adding low-fat cheese or crap like that does not make something better for you. Removing fat or sugar or calories from a processed food, simply means the manufacturer added chemicals or something else to make it taste good. And the whole “low-fat” craze has been known to be junk science since the early 2000’s. Your body needs fat. Just give it good fat. Can we all just agree that a “normal” full-fat lasagna is going to taste better than anything made with processed low-fat cheese? How about you cut your normal sized portion in half, fill the rest of the plate with vegetables, and take a walk around the block afterwards? And use whole wheat lasagna noodles; I promise you’ll never taste the difference. Now, that is the type of “lower-cal” meal I could get behind!

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14 comments on “Confessions – January”

  1. Omgsh, I love this. I gotta adopt you!

  2. love this needed a laugh this morning

  3. As far as cats go, this is why. http://twinkletush.com/ lol

  4. I have always chuckled at the fact that on a paleo diet, you can eat beef, but can’t have dairy, even just plain milk. So cavemen could slaughter a cow but they couldn’t milk it? I realize that our ancestors ate meat long before we ate dairy and blah blah blah, but still, it was always a head scratcher to me.

  5. This gave me the biggest smile to start my day. I totally dig your sense of humor (as I like to infuse in my posts too) Totes agree on the ‘skinny’ thing. As someone who tracks macros and lifts weights, I’ve come to a huge awakening about body composition. I don’t want to lose muscle, bone density or water even at the expense of seeing the number on the scale stall. I know a ‘skinny fat’ person who does nothing but cardio. Yeah they’re slender and are dropping pounds and eat ‘skinny’ versions of foods, but they’re also bat-winged and ‘butt-less’ – lol! Give me muscle definition, strong arms and a nice tush with no needle dropping any day!!

  6. In as far as ‘skinny’ anything there are people out there, like me, who have no other choice. With chronic gastritis it’s either eat low fat or go without.

    • Totally understand food intolerance (I mean, look at our family history!), but you would never say to your friend “I eat skinny”. You’d say something like “I have to eat a special diet”. I hate that “skinny” is a connotation for “health”.

  7. With regards to the commercials, what is the deal with the Cialis bathtubs! Because seriously, if you’re going to get naked and get into *separate* bathtubs, do you really need the Cialis? Are you just using it for show?

  8. Haha, love your observations! I was just talking to a co-worker the other day about dog breeds, shiba inus are super cute and smart but their butt holes are on display all the time…then he reminded me that cats have the same problem. And yes, health is so much more than your pant size/number on the scale!

  9. I totally get the whole cinnamon roll thing! Even making dinner for the family, I always serve the prettiest piece of meat to my husband and I always take the wonky one! If the kids are home, they get anything in-between.

    I also agree with you on using the term “skinny” interchangeably with healthy. My husband has to watch his diet VERY closely, and that, unfortunately, includes using low-fat versions of things (while STILL watching salt and sugars – do you know how HARD that is to do?????). He has to keep reminding people that he isn’t on “a diet”, he is working at staying alive…… The term “skinny” isn’t helpful at all. But some of the “skinny” recipes are really good! So, I just re-name them! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. I have a confession for today. I’m from the south and have been known to call people, Hon. Today, I ended a phone conversation with my boss by saying, “Have a good evenin’, Hon “. Oops! Love your posts and have you seen the butt-hole covers they make for cats? Hilarious!

  11. While we try to eat mostly Paleo, I agree with some of the discrepancies. Then again, anything that lets me eat all the bacon is fine in my book ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I am getting ready for a mom’s vacation to Florida with my sister and my friend. It’s been a little crazy trying to get the house cleaned (my in-laws are coming to hang out with the kiddo while the hubby works), cook a bunch of meals, do last minute errands, AND search for a replacement car. While I love our new Betsy, I’m kinda thinking we rushed into it. Maybe we should have waited until after my trip when I didn’t feel so rushed. Ugh. Buyers remorse sucks.

    Speaking of prepping for my trip- I’m a little bugged that the hubby never has to do anything extra around the house or for us before he is gone for a few days. Seriously not fair.

    I have spent the last year feeling like the laziest person on earth because I couldn’t manage to get much of anything done- cooking, cleaning, outside the house activities, “wifely duties”. Lots of self-loathing going on here. Can I just say what a huge relief it was when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism? I’ve been on meds for just over a month and the difference is amazing. These are the first meds I have ever been prescribed that I have taken faithfully and without complaint.

    The woes and hormones of my eleven year old daughter suck. I love her, but the drama that surrounds her some days is way more than I can deal with.

    I realize that global warming is not awesome, but I have to say, I love that it’s January and it was in the 40’s today.

  12. I have to disagree with you in the pasta.. I can TOTALLY taste a difference in Whole Grain and Whole Wheat pasta and I do not like it! lol